Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
