I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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