Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
