i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
