Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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