i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Never underestimate the power of titties
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
