so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Holy sore nipples Batman
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
