So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You are the jesus of drinking
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
