Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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