Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
