I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
