Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
