guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
