More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
