i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
