Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
