so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
