My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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