i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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