In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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