I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
