Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
