i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish you could order shots online.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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