like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
