When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
