I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
