You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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