god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
