Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
