Tell her she can't have a vagina
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
