Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
