I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
