i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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