I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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