He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
