non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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