I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
