Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
