should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
