I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
