First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
