You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
