my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
