First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
