Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
