Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
