I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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