Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
