I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
