I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
