your room smells of hookers.
And success
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Oh god it's open bar.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
